Courtship Vs. Dating {Part One}

{A guest post by Beth Grace of Modestly Stylish}

When people first hear the word “courtship” the first thing that is thought of is a scenario of a chaperoned couple sitting together on a loveseat in the parlor holding hands. Two words probably come to mind when seeing this picture: “old” and “fashioned.” Yes, in today's culture courtship is viewed as old fashioned and deemed out of style, and it's definitely not cool for a couple to court anymore, especially in this era. Dating is much more in practice and is the majority's choice of a romantic get together. I mean, would you seriously want to go around telling other people that you are in a courtship with someone or a relationship with someone? Culture has accepted dating as the number one way to get to know another person romantically. However, does society know just what courtship really is?

Okay, before we move on, let's get some definitions down, just so everyone knows exactly what we are talking about when I mention courtship or dating.

Webster's ever constant, never failing dictionary says that the definition for courtship is:

“The activities that occur when people are developing a romantic relationship that could lead to marriage or the period of time when such activities occur.”

All right, so courtship was for getting to know each other through a friendly relationship that could lead to marriage.

Now let's look at the definition of dating.

“An appointment to meet at a specified time; especially: a social engagement between two persons that often has a romantic character .”

Or:

“To do an activity with someone you have might have a romantic relationship with: to go on a date or several dates with (someone).”

So, dating is more of a social thing; you hang out with your “special someone” doing fun activities together.

Now that we have it all straightened out and no one is confused, let's move on to a deeper level and really look into what exactly courtship and dating are and compare the two, shall we?

I think the biggest difference between courtship and dating is the idea of marriage. Courtship focuses on getting to find out about someone and whether they are ready for marriage or not. The process of this takes commitment from sides and shows if each party is truly dedicated to the cause. People, if a person can portray commitment, that is a good sign he or she will have a good relationship for marriage. The couple can talk with each other and discover characteristics and qualities that would deem them fit or unfit for a relationship. Dating often involves more of a free going, fun social outing with someone else. You do get to know the person, but the process is more focused on having fun with each other rather than finding out their beliefs. It takes more effort to commit to complete a courtship while with dating you can easily pick up or break up with someone. No commitment is necessary for the latter. Girls and guys, if someone can't commit to a relationship, than that's a huge sign that they might have trouble to committing to other things ( i. e. marriage, purity, etc.) If they can't commit to you, then can they commit to God? 

Courtship involves accountability. Wherever the couple goes there is always a third party present. They are never alone together anywhere at anytime. This “old-fashioned” idea of a chaperone is actually more helpful than we think and may preserve the couple's character. 1 Thessalonians 5:22 tells us to “abstain from all appearance of evil.” Never being alone together will keep others from thinking badly or making assumptions about a couple. Be smart and don't give others the opportunity to present immoral ideas about you. Dating, on the other hand, has no accountability. Sorry, but it's true. When you go out on a date, it's just you and your special someone. Alone. Yes, you may go to a public area together, but there isn't anyone there who knows you and can hold you accountable for your actions. Here's another problem I have with dating. You have to ride alone in the car together wherever you go. Can you be accountable to anyone for that? It's not smart to be alone with your romantic interest before you're married. Temptations will arise. However, it is always safe to have a third party with you so you are never tempted to be immoral or have false accusations made against you. Avoid from looking sinful. If there is a chance the situation could give people the wrong idea about you, then don't do it. With courtship you are always chaperoned and always held accountable for what you do. You are never alone with him or her at anytime. Ever. 

So, part of the accountability of a courtship is to others, and now, part two of accountability is to the authority. You are held accountable to your parents, and more importantly you are held accountable before God. This goes along with avoiding all appearance of evil. Don't let anyone be able to say anything against you that won't glorify God. I Corinthians 10:13 tells us we need to give all the glory to God. When we aren't held accountable for any of our actions, will others be thinking thoughts about you that will be glorifying God? Probably not.

While dating is usually just two people alone, courtship involves others. The couple dating likes their private time alone and often don't include others in their relationship.

Proverbs 15:22 says, “Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counselors they are established.” Not sure what that means? Here, let me put it in a more simpler form and say it this way: “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.” You need to be including others' advice in your relationship -especially your parents or the biggest authority over you, God. You and your boyfriend/girlfriend need to remember the world doesn't revolve around you two when you are a couple. So many couples are guilty of that and forget that anyone else exists. Sometimes, it is wise to listen to others and include them -especially God. The courting process always has both families involved as the two young people are spending time together (chaperoned, of course). More specifically, the parents are involved. Even before the courtship can begin between to young people, the boy needs to ask the girl's father for permission to court her. Listen up, girls! If a guy asks your dad first for permission when he is interested in you than that is a huge sign he probably respects authority. Both sets of parents should always, always be included. Take advice from them and, more importantly, from God. Courtship should always be a Christ centered relationship; keep God first and foremost. Spending time together should bring you closer to God -even more than each other. 

Dating rides on the emotional waves while courtship avoids it completely. When you date someone you can become emotionally attached and have “feelings” for them. This is what the world defines as true love. Suddenly these gushy emotions you experience inside can convince you that you're in love. Girls, every time you look at the boy you like, your heart leaps a little and you have butterflies in your stomach. Are you experiencing true love? Sadly, the answer is no. What culture says is love, is what God calls work of the flesh. Wow, that's pretty condemning. The sappy feelings that are piling up inside of you aren't true love. These emotions make YOU feel good when you are in the company of your special someone. True love isn't based on benefiting you! Get over it. When dating, you and your boyfriend or girlfriend make professions of love to each other and talk intimately about each others' wishes and dreams. While you need to get to know someone, private talk about these things shouldn't be shared with anyone but kept safe for your wife or your husband some day.

Girls and boys, don't tell every one you date for which your heart yearns. If you keep this practice up with everyone you go out with, suddenly you have given all these people a piece of your heart. So much for saving it all for your husband or wife. With courtship all emotional attachment is avoided and more time is spent conversing about beliefs, likes, and interests. Not about sharing intimate feelings with each other. Oh, and flirting isn't allowed. Courtship focuses more on the spiritual aspects of a relationship with each other. 

Well, that's all for now, folks! Part Two coming up in the very near future, so stay tuned as we delve deeper into more courtship/dating conversation during our "Dear Love" week here at Lianne Taimenlore! Happy Valentine's Day!

About Beth Grace:
A fashionista searching for new ways to have a clean modest style, but still appear stylish -all inside God's standards! You can find her online here at Modestly Stylish.