Joy in Brokenness?

How do you deal with feeling broken? 

When your health always seems to get the better of you, is there any joy to be found?

I used to be a really healthy kid. You know -- the kind that could walk into a dentist's office and walk out again without any cavities. Staying healthy was easy. And other than your average cold during the wet season, I was hardly ever laid up in bed or stuck on the couch.

It's amazing how quickly something like that can change, though. In 2007, my family moved to a new house which was surrounded by fields on three sides. Those fields got liberally sprayed with pesticides and all sorts of chemical nastiness every spring, and my family never realized how dangerous that situation could be. In 2011, I suffered a pretty severe case of bronchitis -- after which I was quickly diagnosed with asthma and multiple allergies. I won't bog you down with the entire list of allergies, but besides being allergic to half of outside, I couldn't eat chocolate, soy, buckwheat, fish, and walnuts.

After being so free for so many years, it was a huge blow. I couldn't run around and play outside like I used to. I couldn't eat whatever I wanted. In fact, there were several restaurants that I couldn't eat at period. Seriously, have you tried to eat out with a soy allergy? Forget Chinese.

I'd never had health restrictions before. I couldn't understand why God gave them to me.

To be honest, I got rather bitter about it. My body had basically been poisoned. In addition to the allergies and asthma, I contracted mono (ebstein barr virus) in the next few years. The changes to my body also put me at a high risk for cancer and infertility. For years, I worried that, if God did lead me to marry someone, I would never be able to have kids.

Infertility was really hard to accept because most of my life I've wanted the chance to be a mom. And taking the step to dating my to-be husband, Jed, only made it worse. I knew how much he wanted a family; we both wanted a large family. But considering that I was a carrier of mono, I'd probably pass the virus onto Jed after we were married, and there was a pretty good chance I'd pass it onto any children that we might have together.

I felt utterly broken and useless. 

Jed really was a true blessing sent from the Lord. In those low emotional moments (which happened more often than I'd care to admit), he would always point me back to God. Every time I complained about feeling broken, he was quick to assure me that I wasn't. True, my body may have been limited physically, but that didn't mean I was broken. There was still joy I could embrace while avoiding eating chocolate and contemplating a future with no children.

My joy doesn't come from being complete and unbroken. My joy doesn't come from a healthy body without dietary and physical limitations. My joy doesn't come from ten robust children running around in a big farmhouse. My joy doesn't even come from my practically perfect husband/then boyfriend.

My joy comes from the Lord. 

God is my Sustainer and the source of all my joy. To step beyond the feeling of brokenness, I had to change my perspective. God didn't allow the multiple health issues because He wanted me to have a hard life. He gave all of this to me as a gift because He knew I could handle it. Even in the moments when it feels most overwhelming, I have to keep that outlook. I can handle the hard stuff because I have an Everlasting Rock in my Creator. And that will never change.

It is still difficult to accept the health challenges. I think God used the allergies and other things to get my attention. I was focused so much on myself and my perfect future that I didn't think about what future God might have planned out for me. I had to let go of my own dreams and learn to willingly follow God wherever He might lead.

Today, I am happy to say that the mono is more under control, and I am the very proud mother of a healthy 5-month-old baby girl. As an added bonus, during my pregnancy, I discovered that some of my allergies cleared up, specifically the food intolerances to chocolate and soy.

I don't know if my kids will experience the mono virus. I don't know if God's plan for my life could be flare-ups of mono and a battle with cancer in the future. I don't know that my allergies will return, or if the laundry list of ones I still have will ever go away.

But I do know that Christ is sufficient. Whatever He gives me He knows I can manage it. 

And I think that's been the most helpful thing of all. If I can change my attitude towards my circumstance and find a way to praise God in it, the problems almost melt away. Yes, they're still there, but they don't feel as consuming anymore.

If I have the body that God intended me to have, health problems and all, I can rejoice because I'm living inside His plan for me. If I only ever have one child instead of ten, that's the best thing ever. If I can't walk outside in the spring without my inhaler, so be it. It's so comforting to know that God is still in control. And even if He never allows me the perfect future I envisioned for myself, it's okay because He has an even better plan for my life. I just have to keep stepping up in faith and trust Him to lead me.

There is joy in brokenness. 

God bless!

The Course I Failed in College

"Well, I'm back," he said. 

Even though that is the last line of Tolkien's Lord of the Rings, I thought it appropriate to begin again with that. It's good to be blogging again! And Lord willing, I'll be a little more regular with it like I was before college. 

Don't look at me like that. One can hope, y'know.

And just like that -- four years and college is over! It's been a week and a half since graduation, but I still can't believe I made it this far. It was all God, I can tell you that. 

On May 4th (coincidentally also Star Wars Day), I received my degree in Creative Writing, the result of 8 long semesters-worth of work. On the same day, my husband received his master's degree in theology. I'll tell you what -- it was pretty neat to be able to graduate together. However, the master's degree is just a stepping stone for my hubby as he's planning on continuing his education in seminary and getting a doctorate. 

Lord willing, in about seven years, I'll be married to a doctor. How's that for cool??? I'm so stinking proud of my husband. 

College isn't easy. There were times when I thought some classes were gonna be the death of me, some assignments would never be completed, some tests would catapult my GPA to irreversible depths... but I passed the classes, I completed the assignments, and I managed to squeak out a pretty nice GPA to cap it all off. 

But there was one course I failed in miserably. Four times. 

Have you ever gotten the feeling that God really wanted you to learn a specific lesson? As in, He wanted you to learn it so badly He sent it to you more than once? Because that's exactly what happened to me. 

I thought I knew how to depend on God as my source of strength. Not far into my freshman year, however, God struck me with a bullet in the head. Metaphorically, of course. He showed me as a energetic, stupid freshman exactly how much I was relying on myself by giving me a knee injury while playing society soccer. Not only did the knee pain kick me out of soccer for the rest of the season (not that my exercise-induced asthma helped much in that decision), but it also made getting to class difficult at times. Steps were a nightmare. I was thankfully on the first floor in my dorm, but I had several second- and third-floor classes. Thus, it was either be late to class with a sore knee, or take the embarrassing elevator ride. To say it bluntly, that year was very humbling as it forced me to look to God as my source of strength. 

Sophomore year. I had the lesson down, right? 

Ha. Nope. 

Sophomore year began with a shoulder injury. My sister had hyper-extended her shoulder, and she wasn't allowed to carry her own backpack. So, I, as a helpful older sister, volunteered to help her carry it around. I had her backpack slung on one shoulder and mine on the other. The result? I hurt my shoulder, and then I wasn't allowed to carry backpacks anymore. Oh, the irony. Again, I was depending on my own strength to get around and help my sister when I should have been depending on God. 

I managed that semester having to accept the assistance of a very nice young man to carry my backpack around. Another friend and some cousins helped my sister carry hers. After always refusing help with my backpack, it was humbling. Honestly, I hated needing help. 

Second semester sophomore year, I struggled with random fevers and a lot of fatigue. My sister (also my roommate at the time) had some of the same symptoms and was diagnosed with the epstein barr virus -- mono. Guess who else had mono? Yeah, yours truly. For Spring Break, I spent the entire week in bed -- only allowed to venture out for food. I was weak and tired.

Again, I had to rely on God as my source of strength. 

Two years... and the same lesson. You would think it would have gotten through my thick skull at this point. 

Junior year rolled around. I was still recovering from mono, but I had learned how to take care of myself better. I started relying on my own strength once again, and God sent Ken back into my life. 

(For those of you who don't know, Ken is my evil twin, a.k.a. the person I become when I have asthma.) 

At first, I thought it was just a quick visit from Ken, as he likes to come stay with me on the weekends (not cool). But a whole month went by, and he was still sticking around. As it happens, the smoke from the horrible forest fires in Tennessee was drifting south to my college, and I couldn't breathe outside unless I had a mask on. Coughing set in, and I actually had one teacher stop class so she could find me a cough drop. Again, weak and miserable, it was another humbling year. 

Senior year I was sure I had the lesson down. After all, I'd spent the summer getting married and setting up my first home with an absolutely amazing husband. What could go wrong? 

Truth be told, nothing went wrong. Everything went just the way God had it planned. The week before classes started, my husband looked at me and said in his blunt way, "You've been moody lately and you look kinda bloated. I think you're pregnant." 

(Side note: Most husbands shouldn't speak that way to their wives, but that's just how my husband and I communicate. I love our relationship.)

I was adamant that I was not pregnant, but we got a test...

And it was positive. 

Over the numbing, sheer joy at the realization that we were going to be parents, the tiny logical part of my brain kicked in: How in the world could I complete an entire year of school pregnant? Morning sickness was one thing, but our baby was due the last week of classes spring semester. Meaning that I'd be approximately giving birth a week or two before I graduated. 

Truth be told, I didn't have a terrible pregnancy. Morning sickness, though ill-named, wasn't too bad -- but I had to miss class and work sometimes because of it. The normal aches and pains weren't awful, but as I progressed further to the 9 month mark, I became more and more limited as to what I could do. God gave me just enough strength to do what I needed to do, even though I was often not allowed to get out and do extra things. 

Our little daughter arrived on April 21, two weeks before graduation. As I was still in recovery after giving birth and not allowed to walk very far, my husband took me across the stage in a wheelchair to receive my diploma. 

For someone who wanted desperately to be independent and do everything for herself, I had to be broken and humbled. God really used college to show me how much I needed Him. There was no way I could have survived all four years on my own. I'm very grateful for everything that He did for me -- there's countless other stories I could tell you. 

I'm not telling you all these things to get you to feel sorry for me. I would not change the last four years and the lessons that God taught me through them. I'm sharing this story because God's still working on all of us. I'm 24, married, a college graduate, and a mom, and I sure don't have my act all together yet. God's still teaching me, and I'm not ashamed to admit that. 

Even if God has to give you the same lesson four times, take it with grace and LEARN IT! Sometimes the thing we need the most is the redundant reminder. 

God bless!

Who Is Jesus To You?

Many times I feel that, as Christians, we take life for granted. We go to church, we attend Christian schools, we talk and have fun with our special circle of Christian friends. Life's just simple, and everything is grand on the outside.

But we're shy. We don't want to talk about our personal prayer lives, lest people think we're less spiritual than we should be. We volunteer to pray for each other, as the Lord commanded us to, yet upon making that promise, we go home and immediately forget to pray. We hesitate to offer tidbits from our personal devotions because we fear that people may scorn at us and say, "You only read two chapters a day? I read a minimum of five!" 

Worse still, when given the opportunity to speak to someone about Christ, we panic and wonder what we'll ever say. What if they refuse me?  We think. What if I say something wrong? What if I'm just not the witnessing type? We allow our fears to overwhelm us and we let the opportunity to witness pass by. 

Why are we doing that? Christ set us on this earth for a reason, and that reason is to spread the glorious news that He is alive. He saves. He loves. We spend our whole lives cooped up in our "comfort zones" because of some ridiculous fear of being laughed at or rejected or scorned. WHY?

I'll admit, I'm horrible at this. I'm not a social person, and I will sometimes regrettably go out of my way not to talk to someone I don't know. I'm shaky as a leaf in a hurricane when I do have to talk about people, and even then, it's hard enough to say mundane remarks about the weather. How in the world am I supposed to tell someone about the God that I love? 

Perfect love casteth out all fear. ~ 1 John 4:18

The times of timidity need to be over. We are God's children, and if we're not letting people know that, we're not doing our job. How many times have you passed a friend at the library, a cashier at the check-out line, a neighbor on the sidewalk, and said nothing more than hello? Do you know if they're a Christian? Worse, do they know you're a Christian? In a sense, because of our silence, we're "friend-ing" people to hell; we're their friends, yet we don't care enough about them to give them the message of salvation. We're giving up any chance to witness because we're scared that they might reject us. 

Guess what? They can never reject you. They can only reject Christ. When you present the truth, they can only walk away from the truth. But just remember this: God's Word will never return void. If you plant even just a little seed, it will not decay. That seed will blossom, but we may never see it. 

We shouldn't witness because we have to or even because we want the world to know we're awesome Christians. Those shouldn't even be on our motivation lists. We should witness to people because God loves them. He loved us first, even when we were sinners. How can we do any less if we're to be "little Christs?"

"But I don't talk to people!" You may shout. "I get all tongue-tied, and I never know what to say!"

Hush. Moses doubted his ability to talk, and look where that got him. He lost the blessing of speaking the words of the Lord to Pharaoh to his brother Aaron, and later his disbelief and anger caused him to miss out on the Promised Land. If we're doing the work of God as He commands us to do, He will be with us each step of the way. We are speaking His words, not our own. He will not leave us alone, and in His power, we will disclose the truth. You don't have to be important, you don't have to be powerful, you don't even have to be rich. God uses those with a willing heart to be His servants. 

But we're not promised it'll be easy. The work of Christ is a difficult work, and we need to be warriors to persevere to the end. The first time a person witnesses, more than likely it'll be rough. We're not used to it, you see. But you have to take it and learn how to do it - just as you learn to ride a bike. It won't happen all in one afternoon. But you'll find that the more you share Jesus, the more you talk about Him and His love, the easier and more natural it'll get. 

How then shall they call on Him in whom they have not believed? and how shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? and how shall they hear without a preacher? - Romans 10:14

We meet thousands of people in our lifetimes, and we don't even notice them. Jesus noticed them, so why don't we? Whether you like it or not, you may very well be the only Bible that some people will ever read. Do we hide our faith beneath a casual facade? Or do we let the truth of the gospel and the love of God shine through for them to see clearly? When people "read" you, what do they see? 

Denying Christ is not only standing as Peter did and verbally claiming you don't know Him. Denying Christ is also not standing up at all. Why are we so silent? If we have the wondrous truth of all time, the glorious light for all men, why do we keep it to ourselves? Who is Jesus to us that we fall back on our duties concerning Him? Who is He to us that we no longer think of speaking in His name at the grocery store, the library, the neighborhood park? Do we love him enough to fulfill His commandments? Is He important enough to us to show His love and the truth of His salvation to others?

Answer this: Who is Jesus to you?

For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth... - Roman 1:16

God bless!

It Was For Me

{A post by Yours Truly}

Many, many years ago, a tiny cry was heard echoing against rough stone walls. A baby's cry, an infant barely hours old, innocent, tiny, and fragile. His mother shushed him gently, wrapping him as warmly as she could in a small, thin cloth. Nearby, the father kept a steady watch, his gaze claimed by a bright light streaming from the heavens. A cold wind whipped about him, chilling the air and dancing across the furry noses of the animals present. Yet, the mother saw and felt none of this. Her whole being was wrapped up in the wonder of the small bundle she held in her arms, the son she had been promised.

It was thirty-three years later that the same mother looked once again on the face of the son that had been given her, yet this time the wonder of the miracle was gone. In its place on her face stood pain and sorrow as she beheld him, bent and bloody, nailed to a rough piece of wood standing on a hill. For all to see and jeer at. For all to mock and spit upon. Her tears were bitter, wishing to spare him from his suffering, yet she knew there was nothing she could do. He had taken upon himself the pain he now bore, and it was of his own free will that his blood ran like water onto the ground. He could have walked away; this she knew. But he had chosen to die in such a manner, to accept the punishment that was so justly deserved by others. He had done nothing, and yet he was killed as if he was the most despicable criminal. 

I'm sure that many of you know the story I'm trying to relate, and those that do know how it ends. The Son that was given did die, His blood was shed, He bore the cruelest of sufferings, but He did not stay dead. The Almighty God raised Him from the dead three days later, and now the Son sits on God's right hand. That Son was Jesus Christ. God sent Him to earth to bear the sins of the world, and Christ came as a spotless sacrifice, One equal with God in the splendor of Heaven who denied His own comforts to live as a man. He did no evil, yet the earth despised Him, and so He was beaten and nailed to a cross. 

But the world knew not what it did, for in His death, Jesus made possible a way of salvation. The people of this world are sinful, and their sin is something God cannot look upon; and because of their sin, they must be cast out into darkness. Yet, through the sacrifice that was the death of the perfect Son of God, there can be redemption. The blood of Jesus can cover the sins of any who ask, and He waits now to offer His holy robes for the sin-spotted garments of those who seek His face.

But what does this have to do with true love, you ask? How can this possibly be relevant to Valentine's Day?

For the Dear Love party this week, I presented a number of guest posts on the topic of love. We've read about the importance of following God, the blessing of praying for your future husband, the joy of being content in our current situation, and so much more. Even though some of us may long for husbands, houses, and families right now, we are striving to sacrifice those desires to become the godly girls that God wants us to be before all of that. And that's what true love is: sacrifice. True loves sees not its own wants, but the needs of others. True love is a desire to be of use to those loved, with no thought of recompense. 

But no man can love you more than Jesus Christ. He paid the ultimate sacrifice for us. By giving His life for us, He gave us a chance for salvation. He had no thought for Himself, yet He loved you so much that He was willing to die so that you could receive all the benefit. He died so that you might live. 

And that's true love. 

It was for me He died, for me, He cried.

For me He shed His blood upon the tree.

It was for me He came, for me, His shame.

For me, oh praise His name, it was for me.

God bless!

Pure In The Little Things

{A post by Yours Truly}

This has been a topic long on my mind and in my prayers. For months now, I've been working on drafts of this post, and I couldn't quite seem to grasp the right words. It is a blunt topic, even given in love, but one that we, I myself greatly included, need to hear. 

I'm sure that most (if not all) of you are familiar with the term fangirling. 

The definition of "fangirl" via Pinterest 

Fangirling is simply something we pass the time with by pinning pictures, writing blog posts, emailing, having fun imagining conversations and situations, feeling our hearts go pitter-patter, etc. We create fandoms and fall in love with them so much that we're willing to do whatever possible to further their growth. We squee and gasp and facepalm and shriek and drool. 

Thank you, Sully, for the demonstration.

That's what a fangirl does. It's fun! We're nuts, and we love it! But while fangirling itself is, on the surface, a harmless pastime, it's sadly the gateway to bad things. 

Please note that I'm not entirely bashing fangirling altogether; there's just a certain type of fangirling that needs to be brought to light.

And that's the fangirling that revolves around men, actors for the most part. They play in films/shows/whatever and they bring our fandoms to life. What's wrong with that? Nothing. It's when we allow ourselves to become deeply obsessed when we start treading on dangerous territory.

When we fangirl over a picture of our favorite actor and imagine a dream wedding with him at the end of the aisle, we just gave a piece of our heart to him. When we drool over his bulging muscles and plan our kids' names, we are no longer keeping our hearts whole. With each new picture and actor and fandom, our affection grows, and our hearts we give away in tiny pieces to each new obsession. And what will we have left to offer our husbands when we spent our waiting years by handing off pieces of our hearts to different actors in the name of fangirling? That's when fangirling no longer *is* real fangirling. 

That's when it becomes lust. And we have fallen into impurity.


As Christian girls, purity is something that we claim to be of great importance. Keeping our heart solely reserved for one man is our desire. We pray about it with our parents, we pin great purity quotes on Pinterest, we email each other with encouragement. Our lives are sheltered under our parents' roofs, and we are confident nothing can compromise us. 

Yet, purity involves so much more than that. God says, He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much. (Luke 16:10) We're so preoccupied with the big picture of purity that we don't realize that we might be failing in the little things. Even in as something as small as fangirling. 

Purity is keeping yourself wholly for our husbands. For one man. And that includes keeping our hearts, minds, and souls pure. Let's not give away pieces of our hearts to strange men; let's be careful with our obsessions. Let's not hand the leftover crumbles of our hearts to our husbands. Let's keep our hearts pure and WHOLE for the one man God has for us. 

Let's be pure in the little things.

God bless!

The Truth About James 5:14-15

"Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord:

And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him."

James 5:14-15 (KJV)

Not many people would think twice while reading James 5, especially when going through these particular verses. I mean, seriously, how can putting oil on someone heal him? It sounds like a cult thing to do, right? Actually, no. Sit down and grab some lemonade. Let me tell you a story.

A few years ago, a very good friend of my family (whom we shall refer to as Mr. Friend in this story) approached my father and asked him what he thought about this passage. My father, a preacher, honestly responded that he hadn't really given it much thought, but that if God commanded it, then we should do it. Mr. Friend then asked if my dad would anoint him with oil.

See, Mr. Friend had just been diagnosed with cancer... for the third time. He'd already had it twice, and gone through major radiation, had his head cut open to allow the doctors to remove cancer, and now he was facing that yet again.

My dad put a lot of prayer into this, as I'm certain you can imagine. He went with my mom to pick out a special oil to use, and then the next Sunday in church, my dad asked Mr. Friend to come up before the congregation. My dad read the verses from James, explained what he was doing, put a dab of the oil on Mr. Friend's forehead, and then motioned for the men of the church to join him in laying their hands on Mr. Friend and praying for him right then and there, stating that what they were doing was in faith, and that whatever the outcome would be, may God be glorified. 

Personally, I really wasn't sure about the whole thing. I had no idea if it would actually work. Truthfully, I really wasn't sure if we weren't doing something horribly out of style and dated and whatnot. But since my dad, who is a pastor, was proceeding with it all in good faith, I figured it was fine.

A few tense days passed. Mr. Friend went to the doctor. And we got a phone call.

THE CANCER WAS GONE!

Completely gone! The doctor couldn't find a trace of it anywhere. Mr. Friend was cancer-free, and to this day, he still is. 

But what was it that had happened? Why did Mr. Friend get healed the way he did?

It wasn't the oil. Even though it had been specially prepared for such anointing, it wasn't a magic oil. It was a simple blend of simple oils. There was nothing amazing about it.

It wasn't the fact that all the men in our church laid their hands on Mr. Friend. They were just normal men, men who went through the same day-to-day trials that we all do. There was nothing amazing about the men.

It wasn't even Mr. Friend himself. He only stepped up in faith and obeyed what God had said to do in James 5. There was nothing amazing about Mr. Friend.

Read the verses I posted above again. It was because it was done in faith. "And the prayer of faith shall save the sick." It was the amazing act of God that healed Mr. Friend. It was all God. We simply obeyed, in faith, and we saw miraculous results that only He could give.

Too many times we brush things off, such as anointing with oil, calling them old-fashioned, not relevant, cultish. Why do we do that? It's because we don't believe God can do the miracles we read about in the Bible again. It was amazing to read about, but we think it's pointless to ask for some of the same miracles again. Christ cast out demons, healed the lame and blind, granted health to the sick. Is He not able to do the same now? He is. And He does. It's our job to obey, trusting that He will answer. It's our job to believe that the God of the universe, the Lord that loves us so, will hear our prayer. We don't see miracles today because we don't look for them. We don't see His hand of power because we don't believe we could see His power working. God is still performing miracles today. Mr. Friend is living proof. We just need need to obey and trust Him.

Yesterday, we had a special service in our church to anoint my grandma, as well as Mr. Friend's daughter and her husband. My grandma (this is my dad's mom, not the one that was in a car accident last December) fell and severely broke her leg last summer and is just finally able to get around again. However, during her months in a cast, other physical problems came to light, including the telltale signs of Parkinson's disease, and she asked my dad to anoint her. Mr. Friend's daughter has some kind of heart disorder where her heart beats too hard and too fast for her good, and she is facing surgery sometime in the near future. Mr. Friend's son-in-law was in a car accident back in 2005, in which he ruptured a disc in his back. Since then, he's had 2 failed back surgeries, and lives every day in pain. 

My dad anointed all three of them yesterday. We don't know how God will answer, whether He will heal them like He did Mr. Friend or not. But we know that whatever happens, He will be glorified.

God bless!

An Update On My Grandmom

Last January I asked you all to add my grandparents to your prayer list, and for those of you who lifted them up in prayer, please allow me to give you my utmost gratitude and thanks. I realize that I have not said since that time anything about my grandmother, so I am making myself take the time to say something now.

For those of you who don't know, my grandparents were in a car accident coming home from my cousins' house after Christmas. Their car went up against the guardrail, and my grandmom was seriously injured. They airlifted her to the hospital where, over the course of the next several days, she went through many leg surgeries. My granddad escaped without any injury, praise the Lord. 

Some weeks ago, Grandmom was moved from the hospital where she had been staying to a hospital only four miles from her home, and Granddad was able to rest for the first time in his own bed. The doctors were happy with the recovery she had been making, and she was very glad to get back to her home state. Last Friday, she actually went home, much to the ecstasy of our whole family. She was very encouraged, talking with my mom later, and said she cannot wait to be back up and doing things around her home again.

While Grandmom is, on the whole, doing better, I still covet your prayers for her. I praise the Lord for the progress we've seen so far with Grandmom, and I am very happy that she is safe in the care of the Great Physician. He is good, and the things He does are amazing.

Thank you all, and God bless!

Tales Of The Holidays And A Prayer Request

Yes, technically this should probably be split into two posts, but I don't feel like typing out two different posts at the moment. So, if you're really interested in reading this post, get yourself a hot drink (tea, if you must, otherwise I'd prefer you sip something else), sit back, and begin this epistle.

Okay, so maybe not epistle, but it is kinda long... and sorry... I didn't have any pics to upload.

So much has happened in the last month that I hardly know where to begin. I have the sensation that I am sitting down to write a letter to good friends to inform them of a great chunk of my life that I have neglected to mention here on this blog. Hopefully, you will forgive my rambling, for I fear that I will fall into some sort of insane sentences and garbled paragraphs. 

But anywho... to begin the tales of the holidays:

December flew by so quickly that it almost seemed as if the month had never happened at all. The first few days found my family in deep practice for three Christmas concerts. (You do recall that my family sings together, right?) On the 10th, we sang for an hour in a local mini "mall," a grand mix of fun and sacred songs. However, due to weather and bad timing, we only had a few people show up. We had so many friends tell us (slightly paraphrased), "We're so sorry we missed it! When are you singing again?" that my dad scheduled for us to give another concert on the 20th when we were able to invite a lot more people. We debuted some new songs this year, including a special rendition of The Twelve Days of Christmas and Bring a Torch, Jeanette, Isabella. For the third concert, we were supposed to sing for a local nursing home, but the concert got postponed for later in January when the facility was quarantined due to a flu outbreak. 

Our classy blood cousins' cousins came up for Christmas this year, and after years of hearing about them, we were finally able to meet. The evenings we gathered together for fellowship found us eating way too many cookies, talking so much that some of us nearly lost our voices the next day, and playing swell games around the dining room table, namely Four on a Couch. 

Christmas Eve my family visited a local nursing home (not the one with the flu) and caroled. It's amazing the blessing you yourself can recieve while being a blessing to others. It may seem a little thing to simply give some of your time and talent to bring a smile to the face of someone, but the feeling of joy his or her smile creates in your heart is something that you want to hold on to. 

Christmas Day dawned early for me, waking up at 6:15 when my little sister, KT Bugs, crawled into my bed, asking to snuggle, which we did until the rest of my family decided it was time to get up around 9 o'clock. My mom made our family's traditional breakfast: egg sausage casserole and cranberry coffee cake. My father read aloud the Christmas story from Luke 2 as we sat around the table and marveled at the wondrous gift of love that God sent the world. Then we all settled around our Christmas tree to exchange gifts. I was muchly excited to give Teddy and KT the doll dresses I made, two replicas of Disney princesses' dresses: Belle for Teddy and Rapunzel for KT Bugs. My family, it is obvious, knows me absolutely too well, for I recieved 7 books for Christmas, including a splendid, glorificous copy of Bleak House! My sister also gave me a brick-sized volume of Les Mis, which I shall dig into once I am done with Bleak House.

On the Thursday following Christmas, our church hosted a New Years' Taco Bar. It would have been pizza, but unfortunately, many of the families in our church have allergies, so tacos was a much simpler meal. It was here that I was first introduced to the word game Probe, which is now a big favorite of mine. For those of you who know Probe, you know with me how awesome it is, and fun it is to do words like auxillary. For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, go find someone who knows how to play Probe and convince them to teach you, too.

And then our CBCs came for New Years (you all should know what that means by now...)! As would be expected, we stayed up after midnight on December 31st, singing and praying the new year in. We also made up a new way to play Apples to Apples, ate way too much pizza, memorized epic songs from our favorite soundtracks, and probably played The Wilds Bunch: Takin' A Break CD nonstop for three days straight. You know, all the normal stuff you do with CBCs. And then we ended it all with a cold. I'm still taking cough medicine. But what's a little cold to a grand, old visit with epic CBCs? 

And more stuff happened, but I have either forgotten it or I am planning to writer about it later, so all of that will have to suffice for now.

I do have a huge prayer request to share with you all, and I do hope that you all have read down this post far enough to get to this point. 

My mom's parents visited my cousins this year for Christmas, and on the way home on the 27th, my grandparents got into a car accident, and my grandmother was seriously injured. She is still in the hospital, and has had quite a few surgeries on her legs. Praise the Lord, Granddad was unhurt, and Grandmom is doing better, but I would like to ask you all to add them to your prayer list. Please pray that the Lord would give the doctors wisdom as they care for Grandmom, that she would heal quickly, and that He would grant peace and comfort to my entire family. My parents are going to go visit them in the hospital on Saturday, and we kids are staying with our blood cousins for a few days while they're gone. I know that God has His hands in this, and I know that He will be honored and gloried in whatever may happen, but it comforts my soul to know that so many people are lifting my grandparents up in prayer. 

Many thanks, and God bless!

Magic: Harry Potter Vs. LOTR & Narnia... And What God Says About It

Hey there, readers! This is the post for which you've all been waiting! The second part of my thoughts on LOTR and Narnia, and ultimately, the issue of magic. And I do sincerely apologize for taking so long to post this.

A quick warning: Be prepared to do a lot of reading. This is a really long post. :)

Many people I know have said (and I quote directly from an acquaintance not on blogger), “What's the difference between Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings? They both have the same kind of magic in them.” It's a question I've long wanted to answer, so, as you can guess, this post is mainly about contrasting the magic in LOTR/Narnia and Harry Potter.

Theoden and Eowyn

I've wanted to study this issue for a long time now and truly discover the truth about it. I sort of knew that there was a difference, but if you asked me, I would only respond with vague answers. You see, I really wasn't sure. But I was certain there was a difference. I mean, Harry Potter was just downright evil, and Lord of the Rings and Narnia were... totally different, right? They just had to be. But were they? To tell you the truth, I was afraid of getting into study and finding out that the magic in LOTR and Narnia was evil, so for the longest time I kept pushing the research off. I am ashamed to admit that I didn't want to know about it if it was going to be bad.

Then Petie posted her thoughts on LOTR and Narnia, and the question of magic was once again pushed into the front of my mind. “This is it, Kiri,” I told myself. “Stop making excuses. Just research it.”

So, I did.

And I am not sorry that I did.

You know what I found? Oh, yes. I found a lot. This topic is much bigger than most people think it to be, and there's so much that can be researched and found.

Samwise

Okay, before I go any further, I must put this note in: What I say here is not meant to change your opinions toward Narnia and Lord of the Rings. I am not trying to attack or challenge your beliefs. I respect each and every one of your opinions, and I realize that choice is between you, your parents, and the Lord. Here I am simply trying to answer the question and share my own research and what the Lord has impressed upon my heart.

Please also know this: You cannot automatically say just because there's magic in something, you must have nothing to do with it. I am not promoting magic here, but please realize that if that (steadfastly avoiding anything remotely connected to magic) were the case, we should not be able to read the Bible, which has many stories in it concerning witchcraft (1 Samuel 28 and Acts 8 to name a few), but all are viewed in a bad light. Sorcery exists, I hate to admit it, but it's real. It is evil, and must be seen as such.

I add this warning as well: I shall be discussing things that are deeper than a G level. If you are squeamish, I would recommend you proceed or don't proceed with your own discretion.

So, are you ready? In a nutshell, these are the magic differences between LOTR/Narnia and Harry Potter:

As the main character of the Harry Potter stories, Harry Potter is a human boy practicing occult magick for his own benefit with copyable spells in a fictionalized part of our world. The Lord of the Rings and Narnia stories take place in a make believe world where magic is a power given by a higher being to certain nonhuman, secondary characters to be used for the good of others.

Now, let's break that down a bit into various points...

1. The Source of the Magic

The magic in LOTR and Narnia is very, very similar and thus I will be linking it together in many of the following points, first describing the situation in Harry Potter and then following up with a contrast in LOTR and Narnia. When studying the issue of magic, one of the first things you must look to is the source of that magic. Should I write that again in all caps? THE SOURCE!!! Where did the magic come from? This is one of the biggest and most important points.

The problem with the English language is that we use one word to mean so many different things. Consider the simple, little word ball. Usually, nowadays when we hear that word we think of a fun, bouncy plaything, right? Jane Austen wouldn't have thought of such a plaything, but rather a party in which dancing was a common occurrence. Look at two different definitions of the word train: to educate and to teach; also, a string of railroad cars powered by steam, diesel fuel, or electricity. The same thing happens with the word magic. However, we do have a small change to the spelling of the word at times to help us distinguish what exactly we're talking about. Add a “k” on the end and we now have the word magick, which is not the same as magic. Magick (with a “k”) is what is in Harry Potter (more on that later).

God clearly condemns witchcraft in many passages in the Bible, one of the most famous being Deuteronomy 18:10-12: “There shall not be found among you any one that maketh his son or his daughter to pass through the fire, or that useth divination, or an observer of times, or an enchanter, or a witch, or a charmer, or a consulter with familiar spirits, or a wizard, or a necromancer. For all that do these things are an abomination unto the Lord: and because of these abominations the Lord thy God doth drive them out from before thee.” (more on this in a bit)

The magick in the stories of Harry Potter Wikipedia defines as “a natural force that can be used to override the usual laws of nature.” The spells and chants that Harry Potter indulges in has been directly linked with occult magick, witchcraft and sorcery that gets its power from the king of darkness himself, Satan. J. K. Rowling has claimed that the magick in her works is nothing more than a make believe magic, a magic that she believes doesn't exist, but the type of magick in Harry Potter is real. Occult magick IS real. So... how do I know it's occult magick? Well, let's do some definitions here: occult magick includes the practices of divination, astrology, witchcraft, charms, spells, wizardry, and necromancy (communicating with the dead). Harry goes to school to learn these things. Spells that Harry casts consist of the gesturing of a wand combined with a verbal or mental incantation; they are an every day occurrence, along with charms, used on both friends and enemies in and out of the school. Some of Harry's friends consist of dead spirits who have been summoned to the present, and one of his classes is distinctly labeled as a divination class.

Gandalf

In contrast, the Wikipedia page on Magic in Middle Earth (the fantasy world in LOTR) states that magic here is defined as mystical, paranormal, or supernatural activity. This magic bears no resemblance to occult magick, and both Tolkien and Lewis describe it as coming from a higher being, a Creator. In Lord of the Rings, this higher being (whom Tolkien calls Iluvatar, meaning “Father of All”) gives magic to his servants (namely the wizards, and specifically Gandalf and Saruman) to do good and benefit the people. Iluvatar is a god figure, the god figure in LOTR, although he is never mentioned by name in the series. Readers can become acquainted with him in The Silmarillion, which I would recommend reading. These wizards (more on wizards in users of magic) cannot use the power for their own purposes, and when Saruman tries to do just that, he does not live long and sees a most bitter end. Gandalf, on the other hand, uses the power given him to help fight the coming darkness and destroy the evil that would pollute the world. In the end, good prevails and Gandalf's denouement is one of happiness. 

In Narnia, Aslan's powers are from his father, the Great King; again, a higher being who is shown as the one true god and Creator of Narnia. Aslan mentions the Deep Magic in Narnia many times, but you must realize that what is meant by “the Deep Magic” is supernatural power, which does indeed exist! Christ used supernatural power to raise Lazarus from the dead. In the Companion to Narnia, we learn that the Deep Magic is twofold: the Deep Magic and the Deeper Magic. The Deep Magic is defined as "the effects of justice in a created word, existing from the dawn of time." The Deeper Magic is eternal, from before the dawn of time, connoting a self sacrifice.

But how is it that I believe the magic in Narnia and LOTR to be good, while in Harry Potter it is bad? Let's go back to the verses in Deuteronomy and define each of the things that God condemns. The practice of having children pass through the fire (also known as febration) was common in the pagan nations around Israel back in Bible times. The parents who sent their sons and daughters through the flames did so to obtain an oracle or to avert national disaster. The fire was a purification process, namely to purify something by sacrifice, and bluntly, it was a human sacrifice by fire. Ugh! Is anyone else repressing disgusted shudders at this? Now, I'm not aware that Harry has to pass through any fire at any time in the series to purify himself, but as God had Moses mention febration in the verse, I thought I should mention it as well.

Divination Noah Webster gives this definition: the act of divining; a foretelling future events, or discovering things secret or obscure, by the aid of superior beings, or by other than human means. But wait! Superior beings? Can't that be the same as Aslan's father and Tolkien's Iluvatar? Let's keep reading. The ancient heathen philosophers divided divination into two kinds, natural and artificial. Natural divination was supposed to be effected by a kind of inspiration or divine afflatus; artificial divination was effected by certain rites, experiments or observations, as by sacrifices, cakes, flour, wine, observation of entrails, flight of birds, lots, verses, omens, position of the stars, etc. Occult magick is this artificial divination. I'm certain that Harry Potter wouldn't have been studying divination and learning by the aid of the One who we see as the Superior Being in our world, the Lord God. And if it is not of God, it is of the devil.

White Witch

An observer of times. It's wrong to look at clocks? No, I don't think that's what's meant here. This is also translated as “one who practices witchcraft.” Make sense now? But what is witchcraft? Back to handy dandy Webster: the practices of witches; sorcery; enchantments; intercourse with the devil.

The next couple of ones listed in Deuteronomy are grouped together with the times observer: an enchanter, a witch, and a charmer. These are also respectively translated as “one who interprets omens, a sorcerer, and a one who casts a spell.” I don't think it's necessary for me to give more than just the definitions. Enchanter: one who enchants; one who has spirits and demons at his command; one who practices enchantment, or pretends to perform surprising things by the agency of demons. Witch: a woman who, by compact with the devil, practices sorcery or enchantment. Charmer: one that charms, or has power to charm; one that uses or has the power of enchantment. Sorcerer: a conjurer; an enchanter; a magician.

But we're not quite done yet with Deuteronomy. Moses also lists “a consulter with familiar spirits, or a wizard, or a necromancer.” Again, translated also as: “a medium, or a spiritist, or who calls up the dead.” A wizard is described as an enchanter and a sorcerer. Necromancer: one who pretends to foretell future events by holding converse with departed spirits; a conjurer. Please notice that Deuteronomy 18: 11 specifically says “familiar spirits.” Those who take part in this magick are not doing so by accident. The spirits, to them, are familiar, and they know exactly what they're doing. I realize I'm posting a lot of definitions, but I want you to understand what I'm talking about. This is what God is condemning. It's basically performing by the power of the devil. That's magick. And that's exactly what's in Harry Potter.

Okay, are you still with me? I realize that was a tremendously long point, but the source of the magic really is the key difference between Harry Potter and LOTR/Narnia.

Although I really could just stop here as this issue of the source of the magic is the biggest and most imporant issue overall, let's keep going... there was some more stuff that I dug up, so I'm not done yet.

2. The Characters Who Use Magic

Harry Potter

Harry Potter is a human boy; there can be no mistaking that. He is born in England to human parents and, for the most part, lives with other humans. As he is the main character of the Harry Potter series, this shows magick as being a (I quote) “safe and lawful occupation,” thus encouraging readers to become more interested in it. Because Harry is their peer and role model, readers will strive to be like him, and as Harry uses magick and it's fine for him to do so, they assume the same about themselves. Pretty much this is the reasoning: Harry is human, just as we are, and because Harry is just like us, we can be just like him. Unfortunately, to be just like Harry is to practice the dark magick of the devil. To give you a statistic, a poll was taken a few years ago in which one out of ten children admitted that they were more interested in witchcraft after reading Harry Potter. Human characters acting as peers and role models and using magick are a dangerous thing as it encourages readers in the wrong directions.

Look at Lord of the Rings next. No peers are using magick or magic, but rather it is the mentor figures who have power. Gandalf and Saruman are called wizards. GASP! They're called wizards! Does that automatically make them bad? Before you judge, look at the context in which the word “wizard” is used. Tolkien describes Gandalf as one of the Istari, meaning messenger. The Istari were given power from the Creator (Iluvatar) to help and use for the benefit of others (look at purpose of magic), and these messengers do not call themselves “wizards.” When they appeared in Middle Earth, men were confused by their existence, as their power was something they could not understand. It was men who, in their ignorance, gave the Istari the name of wizards. The magic of these “wizards” is nothing like the occult magick of Harry Potter. Instead, it is like the power that Christ gave to his disciples, allowing them the ability to heal the sick and injured, cast out demons, and perform other miracles in His name.

Galadriel

But what of the Elves? They live in secluded places away from men and dwarves and hobbits and are seen by every other race to be oh so mysterious. They have magic, right? To answer bluntly, no. Not really. Their magic (I'm quoting here) “in the context of Middle Earth is in no way connected to supernatural power. It is a natural attribute, one that is given only to Elves, not humans.” Tolkien disliked using the word magic to describe the elves' natural abilities, but there wasn't another word to describe it. The other races (men, dwarves, orcs, and hobbits) called the elves' skill magic because they themselves couldn't understand it.

Moving on to Narnia. Like LOTR, magic is used by secondary, non-human characters. Aslan is the Great Lion, the Son of the Emperor over the Sea, the Real King of Narnia. As I have said before, Aslan is a god figure (please read the section on god figures in my earlier post), and I think all of this qualifies him as not a human.

So, what other Narnian characters use magic? Coriakin (from Voyage of the Dawn Treader) uses magic, is called a magician (and the Oppressor by the Dufflepods), and is a star. Yes, I said “star.” Coriakin may be wizard-like in appearance, but Lewis made him that way to separate him from the normal, human characters in his stories. The white beard and long robes are typical elements in a wizard's appearance, so that's how Lewis made Coriakin. Ramandu, in the same Narnia book (Dawn Treader), is also a star and the same things apply to him.

Oreius

Then we have centaurs. Glenstorm is a centaur gifted with the ability to prophesy, and there are others who have the gift of prophecy as well. However, we must realize that the gift of prophecy given by Aslan (the Superior Being) to the centaurs is the same as the gift of prophecy given by God that Paul mentions in Romans 12.

Lewis was careful to include a cautionary note with the magic in his stories. Some of the characters (Lucy, Digory, and others) use magic objects in the stories. For instance, Digory uses the magic rings in The Magician's Nephew to go to the wood between the worlds and get Polly after Uncle Andrew sent her there. However, this is where the cautionary note comes in. Later, as Digory and Polly explore the desolate world of Charn, Digory rings the golden bell and wakes the evil queen, Jadis. The same thing happens with Lucy: she reads a spell out of Coriakin's book to free the Dufflepods from their invisibleness but falls to temptation in the same book and eavesdrops wrongly on her friends. Magic can bring about both good and bad results and is not something that should be taken lightly.

3. The Realm of Magic

The realm of magic is closely linked with the characters who use magic. And with the knowledge of magic's existence. Actually, these points are all pretty much linked together. Harry Potter takes place in a fictionalized part of our own, real world. The school Hogwarts that Harry attends is found in Scotland and is only accessible to wizards and other “magical” creatures. Humans, or “Muggles” in Harry's vocabulary, cannot get to this wizard world, but rather, they see only ruins of an old castle and several warnings of danger.

The Pevensies discovering Narnia

Okay, so Harry Potter lived in England. So what? This (and I quote here) “brings the practice of magic imaginatively far closer to the personal condition and experience of the young reader.” Because Harry lives in the same world that we do, there is a fine to no line between what is real and what is fantasy. I've said before, the magick Harry practices is real, quite real. Going back to what I said about peers: because Harry Potter is living in the same world we live in, we can do anything Harry does. That's the danger.

Narnia and LOTR both take place in make believe worlds, worlds that C. S. Lewis and J. R. R. Tolkien respectively made up. As much as some of us would like it, we cannot go to Middle Earth or Narnia. There is a thick, definite line between reality and fantasy here, people. The magic here is, again, shown in a light where it cannot be copied.

4. The Knowledge of Magic's Existence

In the world of Hogwarts, the knowledge of magic is kept as a secret. Wizards and witches are encouraged not to show their powers to those who are not involved in magic, or muggles (humans). This corresponds directly with the occult idea, as the word “occult” literally means “hidden.” Magic is the main theme throughout the story and has been described as Harry's salvation, his means of getting through hard times and winning in the end.

The existence of magic is common knowledge in Narnia and Middle Earth. It is limited as to who can use it, but the knowledge that it exists and is real is openly acknowledged. However, though magic is common knowledge, it is used sparingly, and the characters do not depend on the magic to help them through their difficulties. The trials and battles they fight on their own, without any assistance from magic.

Aslan and Edmund

This point isn't necessarily as important as the source of the magic, but as it is a difference in the issue of magic between Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings/Narnia, I deemed it important based on a passage in 2 Corinthians 4. God wants our actions to be out in the light, as things often done in hiding are of a darker nature. True, I realize that some actions we do are meant to be secret (I'm talking about giving without thought of reparation or glory), but be careful about something that is so solidly secreted under lock and key. What is it and what's the purpose of its being secret? There's where you have to look.

5. The Purpose in Using Magic

This links right up with the two points flanking this one: the knowledge of magic and the acquisition of magic. Harry Potter learns magick to accomplish his own goals. It's his salvation, his means of getting things done. Magic is his whole life, in a sense. Whatever he does with magick is done with the intent of bringing benefit to himself. Sure, he may save his world once or twice during the course of the novels, but he does so by the use of magick and by the power of the devil, the master of chaos and destruction. Now, I'm not sure about you, but that seems a little backwards to me.

In contrast, Gandalf from LOTR is given power for the express purpose of helping and aiding others. The power given to the wizards by the Creator Illuvatar is meant to benefit those with whom the wizards come in contact. The same goes for Aslan in Narnia: his powers as the Son of the Emperor over the sea are used for the good of others. Those in LOTR and Narnia who use power for their own benefit, such as Saruman and the White Witch, do so at their own peril and are destroyed in the end.

Orcs marching to Helm's Deep

To wrap up this point, even if you don't look at the all-important issue of the source of the magic, I view Harry's powers as bad because he uses them for selfish reasons. How can anything be good when it's used in selfishness? Granted, this point isn't very big in the overall issue of magic and magick, but it is a big difference between the power used in LOTR/Narnia and Harry Potter.

6. The Acquisition of Magic

Harry Potter learns how to perform magick throughout the entire series. Indeed, the main idea of the books and films is his education in the world of magick. He goes to a boarding school, Hogwarts, and is instructed in the ways of magick. Thus, by following Harry's adventures in that boarding school, the reader learns right along with him about the magick, what it's used for, and, the most dangerous aspect, how to use it themselves. At the risk of sounding redundant, the magick in Harry Potter is real! That fact cannot be ignored. It's dangerous and evil, and must be seen as such.

Legolas

Whereas, the magical characters in Narnia and LOTR already have their magic when the stories take place, and the reader is not given details on how they acquired that magic nor are they encouraged to dwell on the actual process of getting magic. No character within any of the stories goes through the learning process of how to use magic.

Again, not a huge point, but one that definitely is worth mentioning.

Conclusion

If you're still reading this, I applaud you for getting this far. I realize that this was a rather lengthy post, so I'll hurry up and end this before I turn this into a novel. Please remember, I am not trying to challenge anyone's beliefs or convictions. I am simply presenting my research. Questions, comments... post as many as you would like, and I will do my best to respond accordingly.

The Fellowship of the Ring

As a final word, I would encourage you all not to take my word as golden truth. Look it up for yourselves. Discuss it with your parents. Pray about it. Dig into the Word of God and search some of these points out for yourself.

The following are links I used as part of my research for this post (other sources are listed in this post):

Dr. Tom Synder - Differences Between LOTR & HP

Richard Abanes Interview

Steven D. Greydanus - Harry Potter vs. Gandalf

Wikipedia - Middle-earth Magic

Wikipedia - Harry Potter Magic

Andrea Stoltz - Harry Potter

eHow - LOTR & HP Differences

Steven D. Greydanus - Faith And Fantasy

Tolkien And Rowling: Common Ground?

For They Will Say Both Yes and No

Frodo Baggins vs. Harry Potter

Thanks for reading!